Dear Ms. Sassy,
My boys are back. We're all living in the same town again since we all left for college. I'm really happy their back, we grew up together. But while they were gone I, of course, made other friends. One guy in particular kind of stepped into the role of my main "roll dog." Well, now that my other two childhood friends are back I've tried to get us to all hang out together; it always ends badly. Things came to a head over the weekend when the new friend got thrown out of my old friends house party for talking smack to my old friend's new girl. This whole thing is getting out of hand and at this point I feel stuck in the middle. I know it's only a matter of time before I have to pick sides. Of course, I would choose my old friends over the new friend, who I've only known for 3 years. Is there anyway I can keep them from killing each other so we can all hang out?
-Boys or Bitches
Boys or Bitches,
Well, you certainly got your moniker right. Your friends really do sound like a bunch of punk ass bitches. maybe you should make sure they all have penises. However, in lieu of pantsing them and checking between their legs you need to get them all together and sit them down and explain that all the in fighting is not cool. Let them know that you really want all of you to be friends and to be able to get along. Then ask them what it will take to make that happen. If the talk ends in a stalemate, then you'll just have to divide your time between the two groups of friends. Really there's no need to choose sides. Hang out with whoever you feel like hanging out with when you feel like hanging out with them. And if both groups step on the others toes in a bid for your time, just choose whoever asked you first, or whichever outing sounds more fun.