Poor Jennifer Aniston...another failed relationship. Everyone's former favorite friend has officially called it quits with her boy toy, John Mayer. The "I don't know what genre of music he plays exactly" crooner will probably take to his blog once he starts crying. What's the reason for Jenn and John's breakup? Pick something. It could have been his bad jokes that drove her away, or his inability to stop having diarrhea of the mouth and blabbing to the paps about his love life. Maybe John got tired of the smell of desperation emanating off of Jenn, or maybe it was her incessant dissing of Angelina Jolie. Who knows! Th point is, they're done. Which means that John Mayer is back on the market!

I'll take you John Mayer, you and your sultry voice and smokin' hot guitar playin' hands. I love bad jokes, just ask my ex-boyfriend...

Ms. Sassy,
I just started dating my boyfriend a several months ago. We really like each other but the relationship is still fairly new. Well, I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant. I haven't told anyone yet and I don't have my doctors appointment until next week to confirm what the 2 home tests have already told me. Don't worry, I'm not some stupid kid. I'm 30 and have a great very secure job with great benefits, etc. My boyfriend is the same. I'm just not sure how I should handle telling him and the rest of my bible beating family that I'm pregnant with my new boyfriend's bastard. -Mommy to Be

Mommy to Be,
Let me start by saying congratulations. It sounds like you definitely plan on having the baby, which is fine. Just don't let your bun in the oven rush the relationship between you and your guy. Of course, break the news to him and let him know that he can be as involved as he wants to be and that you do not expect a ring just because you're having his baby. Pressuring him to marry you just because you're preggers is the worst thing you can do. Keep dating, if it's working and if it's not then start seeing other people. But DO NOT let yourselves turn into those parents who use their children as pawns to stick it to the other parent.
As for your family, well you're a grown woman. It's not like you need them to help you take care of the baby. So, tell them the news and voice that you're very excited so if they have any negative things to say then they can keep those thoughts to themselves. And go on about your business.

I am one for brutal honesty. If I ask my BF "Do I look fat in this" it's because I really want to know if I should put on something more slimming. But every now and then we have to lie to the ones we love. Especially, when it comes to sparring your boyfriend's delicate feelings. Example. I absolutely hate the smell of the product my guy puts in his hair. But what am I going to do, tell him that the smell of his hair makes me want to vomit sometimes? No. Why hurt his feelings for no good reason? I know you're just dying to know what other little white lies your girlfriend is telling you? So, I figured I'd throw you a bone. Check out these 10 lies that your girlfriend's telling you.

Size Doesn't Matter
Only girls who date guys with small peens are forced to tell this lie. Fortunately, that's not me. My man is well hung and I am satisfied! But nothing can make a small penis shrink in size faster than hearing that dreaded sentence, and she is well aware of that. Hence the need to stretch the truth. Besides, if it bothered her that much then she wouldn't let your tiny man member near her va-jay-jay.

You're The Best
Are you starting to notice a trend? Most lies girls tell are linked to your man-meat. Because everyone knows that any good relationship is based on telling your guy how awesome he is in bed. She can't very well push you off of her and say "What the hell are you doing?" A girl with any kind of manners at all would never do such a thing. She knows that the best time to talk about your sexual prowess, or lack thereof, is not 5 minutes after you thought you made her climax. Keep in mind, this lie also goes hand in hand with faking an orgasm.

Yes, I Had An Orgasm
Have I told this lie? Of course. What woman hasn't? But I have to say, most lies leave me feeling guilty, so as I've grown wiser through the years I have started answering my boyfriend with a resounding, "NO." Hey if I didn't orgasm then I didn't orgasm, it's definitely not for a lack of trying on his part. But I will say that 9 out of 10 times ain't bad. Just know that if you weren't rockin' your significant other's world on a regular, then he/she wouldn't be with you. So take this one on the chin.

Go, Have Fun With The Guys
Sure, this one seems harmless enough but nonetheless it is a little white lie. Truth is, your girl wants you to go out and have fun with the guys, just not too much fun. Why? Because it's kind of hard for her to continue her delusion of you being miserable without her if she sees you coming home with a smile plastered on your face and she's not the one who put it there. So go out, have fun with the guys, and enjoy it, just let the first thing out of your mouth when you get home be, "I missed you, babe."

I Promise, I Won't Get Mad
Ladies love this one. Guys, don't fall for it. No matter how fervently she promises not to get mad at you. It's a trap. Keep your mouth shut, because the second you spill the beans you can bet your ass, or any other part of your body, that you won't be getting any poon-tang anytime soon. Honestly, I can't tell you why women use this one. I guess it's just so we can get you to fess up to what you did. It gives us more ammunition to use on you later.

Forgive And Forget
Now, most guys think that these two go together. If your girlfriend tells you that she forgives you then that's that, the dark cloud has gone and you will never again have to return to that conversation. But that's not what she is thinking. She's thinking, "He's so cute, but damn he's stupid" And just as sure as she's had that thought, months later, when you're sitting on the couch in front of the TV scratching your nads and watching the game, she's going to come in screaming and hollering and whatever that blowout was that you thought was long forgotten will be dredged up and thrown in your face. LMAO...mark my words.

I'm Not Mad
These are quite possibly the most dangerous three words in the English language. Because if she's saying she's not mad, then it means she's livid. So, why does she keep saying it? She thinks that if she says it enough times it will make it true. But alas, as you and I both know, that's not true. So, I suggest you hide all the things you love and run for cover because it's only a matter of time before her head explodes from all the seething anger coursing through her veins.

I don't Know If I Want To Get Married
She's LYING! Who the hell doesn't know if they want to get married?! If she ever says this what she's really saying is one of two things; either she wants to get married but is in denial about the fact, or she's scarred that if she admits she wants to tether herself to you it will leave you running for the hills. Any woman who doesn't want to get married will say so flat out, without having to pause to think about it. In this case, just stereotype us. IDK means yes.

I Love You Just The Way You Are
This is a huge untruth. Why? Because she wants to change everything about you. Unless you're a flaming meterosexual, then your girlfriend hates your clothes, hates your apartment decor, and thinks you are in desperate need of the kind of makeover only she can give you. Sleep with one eye open guys, or you may wake up in the morning all manscaped.

I Love Your Friends
Every woman knows that if her boyfriend's friends love her then she's home free. And if she really does love your BFFs then good for you, you've found a keeper. But if you see her cringe a bit or her skin crawl at the mere mention of them then you know she's lying. Why would she pretend to love your boys? Well, you just answered your own question. They're your boys! If she doesn't put on this facade then it's going to force you to choose between them and her, and there's a 50/50 chance that she could lose, so...

Well, there you have it. The 10 things your girlfriend is thinking but wouldn't dare say. Unless, she's trying to pick a fight to prompt a break-up, which I have done before. My advice, take this knowledge and put it in the vault. Next time you know she's telling you a white lie just roll with it. You're better left not pulling at some threads. Just be happy your SO loves you enough to spare your feelings sometimes.

Ms. Sassy,
I want to ask my girlfriend how many men she's been with. She's the best sex I've ever had, so it got me to wondering. Should I ask and will I offend her if I do? Do I really want to know?
-Wondering What's Her Lucky Number

Wondering What's Her Lucky Number,
Let me just start by saying that you are not alone! That being said, don't be an idiot! Asking your girlfriend about her sexual past is a great way to open a Pandora's Box. And we all know the story of Pandora, it does not end well. Which is exact fate of your relationship if you pose this question. But if you feel overly compelled to ask, then go right ahead. If your girlfriend is dumb enough to answer, truthfully, then you should dump her immediately because she obviously is not too bright.
I'm sorry, but some things just should not be asked and if they are, then some things should definitely be lied about. Especially when the question is how many people you've had sex with.

Ms. Sassy,
Why do men disappear? How can you go from being head over heels in love with someone to just waking up one day and being over them? What kind of cowards are some men anyway?
-Sick of Men

Dear Sick of Men,
Wow. Hate men much? It sounds like you have loved lost and had your heart drop kicked. I totally understand why you're bitter. And trust me, you are bitter. But women disappear too. I don't think you can call some men cowards without calling some women cowards too.
However, to answer your question, people don't go to bed in love one day and wake up out of love the next. It just isn't possible. People grow. Sometimes they grow together but most times they grow apart, look at divorce statistics. Now, how long your SO takes to voice his/her change in affection towards you is another story altogether. THAT is the real problem. Maybe they keep quite out of concern for your feelings, maybe it's out of cowardice. Either way, that is why you are convinced that people's emotions change out of nowhere.

It's Monday! I know Monday's usually suck. But this Monday you're going to be too busy trying to win the Ultimate Ms. Sassy Sex Giveaway. Take a look at all the goodies I have for one lucky gal, or guy, I don't discriminate. All you have to do is email Ms. Sassy the juiciest deets of one of your steamiest or most embarrassing sexcapades. It doesn't really matter just as long as it's good, and submitted by February 6th. The best Sassy Sex submission will win the goodies pictured, below, along with a few other trinkets not seen. Think about it. The more sex you have the less stressed you feel, the less stressed you feel the more relaxed you you are, the more relaxed you are the better you feel, the better you feel the more productive you are, the more productive you are the happier you are, and the happier you are the easier it is to spread that happiness to others. So I am helping you spread happiness to the world, which will eventually lead to world peace. Man, I'm so freakin' awesome! So submit you stories and do your part to make the world a better place.

You all know about my Weekly Sassy Sex Giveaway. Well, the story below was the best sex story of the bunch. I laughed so hard I could barely breathe. Best of all the story really hit him, as my now ex-boyfriend and I had many a sexy rendezvous in my Yaris hatchback at the beach, as well. It was like a story out of my own life. Anywho, keep reading for a good laugh. Ms. Sassy,
Usually my sex encounters go relatively smoothly... I've never really had any bad or embarrassing stories - UNTIL! Julian.

This was a boy I had been seeing for about a month (After knowing him for over 2 years... he was a manager at the place where I change my oil.) Well, we had decided to take a spur-of-the-moment trip to Daytona around 2am. When we got there, we were the only people on the beach... it was slightly chilly so we wrapped ourselves around each other to keep warm... oh, so romantic! Well, since it was our first time being "intimate" with one another, we decided it would be best to go back to my car since sand gets uncomfortable when it finds your naughty bits!

So here we are, parked in a remote motel parking lot in my tiny Toyota Yaris Hatchback, about to get down and dirty! I'm all revved up and ready to go, so we tear each other's clothes off and get things started. Things were going pretty well until I started going down south. While I was on my knees in my seat and he was sitting in the passenger seat, my ass somehow bumped the horn. A pathetic little *BEEP BEEEEEP* shocked us, but we laughed it off and kept going. Then, as I was moving to straddle him, I accidentally hit the wiper blades, which made a wretched *SCREEEEECH SCREEEEEECH SCREEEEECH* Again, we laughed it off and kept going. When we were finally about to experience penetration, I adjusted myself to get better leverage, and the worst happened. My left knee slipped into the crack between the car seat and the door (And got stuck!!), and my right knee, trying to catch me, ended up landing right on his "mini Julian!"

Mortified, and slightly scared by his loud "AHHHHH!!!!!", I started getting flustered. I couldn't for the life of me get my left knee unstuck, and him wriggling around in pain trying to get out from under me didn't help much either. Finally, sick and tired of being calm and collected, I just opened the passenger door at the same time he tried to lift me off of him, causing me to fall onto the pavement butt naked. I immediately rushed back into the car at which point he says, "I think there's a security guard over there watching us."

Needless to say, we left without even getting all of our clothes on. The hour and a half ride home was awkward, to say the least.
-Jen

Well Jen, thanks for the laugh. And I hope Julian's peen is okay.

It's been a crazy week. Hasn't it? Well, thankfully it's Friday, which means it's time to dust off those sexy memories. I want to do things a little different this week. Instead of awarding the 15% off any EdenFantsys.com product, I want to give away coupons to the first 15 sassiest sex moments submitted. Now I had a lot of you all who voiced interest in wanting to enter the contest and then didn't submit a story. So just to make sure you have things straight, you have to tell me about a sassy sex moment you've had. It can be good, bad, funny...it doesn't matter. But you have to send me something to be entered in the giveaway. Feel free to post your story as a comment below or email me by CLICKING HERE. I can't wait to read this weeks submissions. Good Luck!

All aboard the freedom train, ya'll. Woot-woot! "No Drama" Obama FINALLY made it official. On this Inauguration Tuesday, he made history by becoming the first Black president. I don't have any sage advice, except to say this. I am proud of the strives this country has made. I don't think I've ever been as proud to be an American as I am today. Watching hope bring us together as a nation, is a beautiful thing. In case you missed it, check out the clip below of the swearing in of Barack Obama and his right hand man, Joe Biden.
Stay up to the minute of this historical day in history by tuning into CNN and CNN.com

Anybody can sit down and write useless drivel and call it advice. But you know I, Ms. Sassy, would never dream of doing such a thing to my sassy readers. What I am about to present to you are 5 rules that any guy or girl can, and should, live by. Are there more than 5?! Of course, but baby steps, people. Baby steps. Just check out these first 5 and take my word that there will be more to come.

1. Follow The Golden Rule
It took me a long time understand this rule, but it emphasizes the societal practice of exhibiting common decency. Always treat others the way you want them to treat you. I firmly believe in that practice. However, you are not a doormat. Show everyone the same respect but if someone decides not to reciprocate that, then to hell with them. Treat them the exact same way they treat you. Life is to short to be bending over backwards to people if they're just going to act like ungrateful bastards.

2. Rub A Dub Dub
Bubble baths solve everything. I know, I know it seems way too simple to be true but it is. The next time you feel like your head is going to explode from a long day of dealing with idiots at work or cleaning up after your sloppy SO just run yourself a nice hot bubble baths. Now you have to make sure you include the bubbles otherwise it won't work. I love lavender scented suds or anything with a nice vanilla, honey suckle or strawberry smell. I swear soaking for 30 minutes clears all the cobwebs out of your head. When you get out of the water you'll feel like a new person. Adding a few rubber duckies add a nice touch, too. I have a couple of these on my tub, from Bath and Body Works.

3. Wipe Those Tears
I understand that every now and then everyone needs a good cry, and that's fine. But excessive crying is a HUGE Ms. Sassy don't! Why? Because it doesn't solve anything. All the time you're wasting sniveling, snotting, and making your mascara running you could be soaking in a bubble bath trying to figure out a solution to whatever it is that's making you cry. The next time you want to burst in two tears, go ahead and indulge yourself for a few minutes. Two, to be exact. Then suck it up and move on. You've got a life to live.
*If someone you love has passed away then you are allowed to cry your heart out for as long as you need.

4. Go On A Diet
Stop crying. We just talked about that! Besides, I wasn't calling you fat. But I you can bet your sweet patootie that I was referring to your SO. Yeah, that's right. He/She is an added 100+ pounds that you can do without, so get rid of him/her. I know breakups can be painful but when you think of it as having lost weight then it will cheer you right up. Next time "the love of your life" turns into "the person you wish would dies a slow and painful death" and your friends start asking if you two broke up. Simply say, "Oh, I just lost 200lbs. Don't look fabulous without all that extra fat dragging behind me?"

5. Listen To Both Sides
No, I'm not talking about being fair. Who cares about that, right now? I'm talking about the genius that is Joni Mitchell. Her masterpiece, Both Sides, Now, is poignant and spellbinding. The lyrics are quite possibly the most clever words ever put to music, sorry Kanye. CLICK HERE to have a listen, and CLICK HERE to check out the words. The song is about seeing the world in two different ways. The way we saw things in our youth and how we see things once we're older and jaded and the realization that comes with age, that we really don't know what we think we know. It makes you appreciate the beauty of living life, and all the good and the bad that goes with it.