Am I the only one who isn't understanding the appeal of scrawny pale dudes? Now, don't get me wrong, I love a good vampire movie. As a matter of fact, you might even say that I have a vampire fetish. Dracula has always been an interesting character to me. The thought of a super powerful mysterious man being so drawn to you that he makes you his forever by gifting you with eternal life, beauty and youth? Seriously, what's not hot about that? It's like marriage but without all the cons of growing old, becoming bitter, and dying.

Ugh, but the the idea of being tethered to Robert Pattinson sends shivers up my spine in the bad way. First of all, dude, stop sucking your cheeks in. No guy has cheek bones that prominent. Secondly, what do you have against going outside? And lastly, what's the deal with you hair? I mean, remember the days of yore when Buffy and Angel where the it TV vampire/mortal couple? He was all broad, chiseled, and manly. Can we get some vampires like that again?

Robert Pattinson, no women worth her weight in gold is going to want to do you if you look like a malnutritioned gay porn model. Eat some food, maybe go out during the day and get some sun, and stop sucking in the sides of your face! Follow those three rules and it will make it way easier to transition into a heavy hitter heart throb. Unless, you know, you're cool with the gay porn thing.