I am one for brutal honesty. If I ask my BF "Do I look fat in this" it's because I really want to know if I should put on something more slimming. But every now and then we have to lie to the ones we love. Especially, when it comes to sparring your boyfriend's delicate feelings. Example. I absolutely hate the smell of the product my guy puts in his hair. But what am I going to do, tell him that the smell of his hair makes me want to vomit sometimes? No. Why hurt his feelings for no good reason? I know you're just dying to know what other little white lies your girlfriend is telling you? So, I figured I'd throw you a bone. Check out these 10 lies that your girlfriend's telling you.

Size Doesn't Matter
Only girls who date guys with small peens are forced to tell this lie. Fortunately, that's not me. My man is well hung and I am satisfied! But nothing can make a small penis shrink in size faster than hearing that dreaded sentence, and she is well aware of that. Hence the need to stretch the truth. Besides, if it bothered her that much then she wouldn't let your tiny man member near her va-jay-jay.

You're The Best
Are you starting to notice a trend? Most lies girls tell are linked to your man-meat. Because everyone knows that any good relationship is based on telling your guy how awesome he is in bed. She can't very well push you off of her and say "What the hell are you doing?" A girl with any kind of manners at all would never do such a thing. She knows that the best time to talk about your sexual prowess, or lack thereof, is not 5 minutes after you thought you made her climax. Keep in mind, this lie also goes hand in hand with faking an orgasm.

Yes, I Had An Orgasm
Have I told this lie? Of course. What woman hasn't? But I have to say, most lies leave me feeling guilty, so as I've grown wiser through the years I have started answering my boyfriend with a resounding, "NO." Hey if I didn't orgasm then I didn't orgasm, it's definitely not for a lack of trying on his part. But I will say that 9 out of 10 times ain't bad. Just know that if you weren't rockin' your significant other's world on a regular, then he/she wouldn't be with you. So take this one on the chin.

Go, Have Fun With The Guys
Sure, this one seems harmless enough but nonetheless it is a little white lie. Truth is, your girl wants you to go out and have fun with the guys, just not too much fun. Why? Because it's kind of hard for her to continue her delusion of you being miserable without her if she sees you coming home with a smile plastered on your face and she's not the one who put it there. So go out, have fun with the guys, and enjoy it, just let the first thing out of your mouth when you get home be, "I missed you, babe."

I Promise, I Won't Get Mad
Ladies love this one. Guys, don't fall for it. No matter how fervently she promises not to get mad at you. It's a trap. Keep your mouth shut, because the second you spill the beans you can bet your ass, or any other part of your body, that you won't be getting any poon-tang anytime soon. Honestly, I can't tell you why women use this one. I guess it's just so we can get you to fess up to what you did. It gives us more ammunition to use on you later.

Forgive And Forget
Now, most guys think that these two go together. If your girlfriend tells you that she forgives you then that's that, the dark cloud has gone and you will never again have to return to that conversation. But that's not what she is thinking. She's thinking, "He's so cute, but damn he's stupid" And just as sure as she's had that thought, months later, when you're sitting on the couch in front of the TV scratching your nads and watching the game, she's going to come in screaming and hollering and whatever that blowout was that you thought was long forgotten will be dredged up and thrown in your face. LMAO...mark my words.

I'm Not Mad
These are quite possibly the most dangerous three words in the English language. Because if she's saying she's not mad, then it means she's livid. So, why does she keep saying it? She thinks that if she says it enough times it will make it true. But alas, as you and I both know, that's not true. So, I suggest you hide all the things you love and run for cover because it's only a matter of time before her head explodes from all the seething anger coursing through her veins.

I don't Know If I Want To Get Married
She's LYING! Who the hell doesn't know if they want to get married?! If she ever says this what she's really saying is one of two things; either she wants to get married but is in denial about the fact, or she's scarred that if she admits she wants to tether herself to you it will leave you running for the hills. Any woman who doesn't want to get married will say so flat out, without having to pause to think about it. In this case, just stereotype us. IDK means yes.

I Love You Just The Way You Are
This is a huge untruth. Why? Because she wants to change everything about you. Unless you're a flaming meterosexual, then your girlfriend hates your clothes, hates your apartment decor, and thinks you are in desperate need of the kind of makeover only she can give you. Sleep with one eye open guys, or you may wake up in the morning all manscaped.

I Love Your Friends
Every woman knows that if her boyfriend's friends love her then she's home free. And if she really does love your BFFs then good for you, you've found a keeper. But if you see her cringe a bit or her skin crawl at the mere mention of them then you know she's lying. Why would she pretend to love your boys? Well, you just answered your own question. They're your boys! If she doesn't put on this facade then it's going to force you to choose between them and her, and there's a 50/50 chance that she could lose, so...

Well, there you have it. The 10 things your girlfriend is thinking but wouldn't dare say. Unless, she's trying to pick a fight to prompt a break-up, which I have done before. My advice, take this knowledge and put it in the vault. Next time you know she's telling you a white lie just roll with it. You're better left not pulling at some threads. Just be happy your SO loves you enough to spare your feelings sometimes.

Ms. Sassy,
I want to ask my girlfriend how many men she's been with. She's the best sex I've ever had, so it got me to wondering. Should I ask and will I offend her if I do? Do I really want to know?
-Wondering What's Her Lucky Number

Wondering What's Her Lucky Number,
Let me just start by saying that you are not alone! That being said, don't be an idiot! Asking your girlfriend about her sexual past is a great way to open a Pandora's Box. And we all know the story of Pandora, it does not end well. Which is exact fate of your relationship if you pose this question. But if you feel overly compelled to ask, then go right ahead. If your girlfriend is dumb enough to answer, truthfully, then you should dump her immediately because she obviously is not too bright.
I'm sorry, but some things just should not be asked and if they are, then some things should definitely be lied about. Especially when the question is how many people you've had sex with.

Hello to all you sassy minxes.
I know you can't get enough of my tell it like it is approach to dolling out advice. Too read more of my sharp witty responses to other peoples questions, check me out on Ask E. Jean.

I was unfaithful to my boyfriend...

Oprah has been duped...

I just broke up with a guy...

Dear Ms. Sassy,
I started dating this woman three months ago. We found each other on eHarmony in September and have been steadily seeing each other ever since. She's not seeing other people and neither am I but I don't consider her my girlfriend, and I didn't think she considered me her boyfriend. I mean, it was never discussed, so...
Anyway, before she left town to be with her family, for Christmas, she caught me by surprise when she got a me a series of small Christmas gifts. She knows how much I love to golf so she got me a set of balls and tees from the TV network she works for. She also got me some other great stuff from Brookstone. Well, I didn't get her anything. She didn't seem upset but what do I do? I want to keep dating her. Do I get her a belated present?
-Another Clueless Man

Another Clueless Male,
You have committed the largest of sins when it comes to dating. It is a cardinal rule that you buy the woman you are dating, steadily, a present when any present gifting day comes around, regardless of the length of time that you have been seeing her. Of course the degree of the gift coincides with the length of time you've been "together."
A three month long monogamous relationship is most certainly grounds for a Christmas present. You messed up big time buddy. your girl may not have shown her feelings about the situation but I assure you she was upset. This means that you now need to go out and get her a better gift than the one you would have gotten would you have gotten her a gift in the first place. I suggest a nice bottle of perfume, something like Chanel Chance. She'll love it and you won't have to spend the last remaining days of the year in the doghouse.

Christmas is only three days away, and if you're anything like me you haven't done one bit of holiday shopping. In the spirit of giving I'm taking the time to throw you a lifeline. The 5 gifts, pictured above, are perfect for the man, or if you're lucky men, in your life. They'd be overjoyed to find any of these 5 gifts under the tree.

Flip Video is the latest in teeny tiny technology. A fully functioning camcorder the size of your cell phone offers the aesthetic appeal of an ipod. It's thin, it's cool, it comes in different GB sizes, can be skinned in an assortment of colors or design patters, and fits in your pocket. If your guy hasn't said he loves you, be ready to hear him shout it when he pulls back the gift wrap and sees one of these looking back at him.

For a mere $19 and some change you can tell him how much he means to you through song. The Mix Tape USB Stick will remind your guy of the good ol' days when large cassette players where cool and you would play your favorite jams for your favorite guy or girl. Upload the songs that flood your mind with thoughts of him and then share those tunes with him. The coolest is part is that there are 6 different cassette looks to choose from.

Cocktail Set Chemistry is the perfect gift for your wanabe bartender boyfriend. The ultimate must have for any mixologist, this set runs for under $40, which means you can afford to pick up a couple bottles of liquor to pair it with. When he opens this gift he'll be ready to mix you up yummy drinks all day, which will make spending the day with his crazy family far less painful.

What guy doesn't like to unwind with a game of golf. I mean my BF hates golf, but that's just because he sucks at it. But your guy probably loves it! So let him parade around with his heart on his sleeve, or his wrist, with these Golf Ball & Tee Cufflinks. Everyone will know that his heart belongs to his favorite sport, but he'll be more likely to share his heart with you too once he gets this gift.

Is your guy so obsessed with how he looks that sometimes you wonder if he's gay? Then these Armani Exchange Sunglasses are the perfect gift for him. He gets the top of the line brand and you don't have to break the bank. These glasses run for $65 and are easy to get you hands on. Pop into Macy's to pick up a pair to make sure he has a Merry Christmas, and we'll all just pretend that his high pitched squeal when he opens his gift isn't a red flag about his sexual orientation.

The Christmas countdown is well underway. You've got three days left to find the woman in your life the perfect gift. If that thought makes you feel so overwhelmed that it brings you to tears, then this list is for you. These 5 gifts are sure to please any woman, which in turn will leave her more than willing to please you later...Tis the season for giving.

Flip Video is the latest in teeny tiny technology. A fully functioning camcorder the size of your cell phone offers the aesthetic appeal of an ipod. It's thin, it's cool, it comes in different GB sizes, can be skinned in an assortment of colors or design patters, and fits in your pocket. If your girl hasn't said she loves you, be ready to hear her shout it when she pulls back the gift wrap and sees one of these looking back at her.

I bet you didn't even know you could buy anything from Tiffany's for $100. Well, you can. This Paloma's Crown of Heart Pendant in sterling silver is the perfect way to let her know how you feel about her. The design of the pendant is simple enough to be worn everyday. And nothing is classier than sterling silver. As you put the necklace on her say, "A simply classy necklace for my simply classy girl." She will be touched.

What woman doesn't like to smell good? With the Harajuku Lovers Fragrance Solid Coffret, she'll have plenty of scents to choose from. Five to be exact. Each fragrance offers something different, allowing her to show off every side of her personality. This gift is perfect if your girlfriend has a multiple personality disorder. Now you can smell which version of her is coming, so you know before hand whether you want to stick around or run and hide that day. So, it's really a little bit of a present for you too.

Waxler is the name of this fantabulously fierce pair of pumps from Aldo, and they're on sale for only $34 and change. Pick 'em up at the store or grab them online. Either way, you're GF will be totally floored that you had the good sense to buy her such a wonderful pair of shoes. And as long as you don't try to try them on, then your masculinity will not come into question.

Christmas is the perfect time to get down on one knee and pop the question. Present her with this Jean Dousset 3.53ct Absolute™ Canary Pear-Cut Pavé Ring and she is sure to say yes. From the HSN Absolute collection, this ring is made with man made diamonds, from a lab, rather than natural diamonds. They have the same hardness and clarity as the gems you're pay several thousand dollars for, but you will only drop about $90 on this ring. If you don't tell her, then there's no way she will ever know. And I personally would rather have my BF buy me a lab made diamond and save the big bucks to put toward our wedding or honeymoon.

Ms. Sassy,
Things between my girlfriend and I have been sort of weird lately. We used to spend so much time together and talk on the phone at least a couple of times a week. Now I hardly ever see her and she never calls me anymore. The only time we go out is if I suggest it and the only time we talk is when I call her. We've been together for well over a year now. Do you think she's bored with me?
-Missing Her

Missing Her,
My heart goes out to you. Honestly, it sounds like something's going on but the situation may not be quite as dismal as you think. Yes, she very well could be bored with you, or she could just be tired of being the one who always puts forth the effort. So, she's putting the ball in your court and leaving it there.
The dynamic of most relationships consist of one person doing most of the work and the other person sitting back and enjoying the ride. I'm not saying that you don't put forth any effort, but prior to this your girl was probably the one always making the plans for the two of you. Well, news flash: that mess is tiring and time consuming. Now that you see what it actually takes to have a relationship that's not dysfunctional maybe you'll put forth more effort instead of making your SO do all the work, because at this point it looks like your relationship is going to sink or swim based on it. And right now it sounds like it's on life support. Take the initiative, consistently, to show her that you care and value what you to have and she's sure to be present, figuratively speaking, in the relationship again.

Ms. Sassy,
Alright, so it's a ways off, but that just gives me more time to get jacked and tan in preparation for Spring Break '09. With that said, I was wondering where are the top places to go? My school's definitely no party school, so I kinda wanna go somewhere not too expensive, not sketchy, but where I can still have a good time with or without alcohol.

Any suggestions?
-Spring Break Junkie

Spring Break Junkie,
You are getting a one hell of an early start on your Spring Break plans. But who can blame you when the best thing about college are the ridiculously long breaks and being able to drink without anyone giving it a second thought.
So, where should you go for Spring Break '09? I have to say that you should head to the always "On and Poppin'" Dirrty South. Pack up your Speedo and head to the land of legal gun toting, big trucks, and overly made up blonds. Everything's bigger in Texas which means you are in for the party of a lifetime if you head south and cross the bridge to South Padre Island. Every man woman and child calls the island home for the college phenomenon that is Spring Break. So joins the hoards of people and enjoy the warm gulf waters, cheaply priced tequila shots, and high temperatures.

Check out these links for great South Padre Spring Break '09 package deals. SPadre.com
Inertia SB Party Packages
StudentCity.com Padre Party Packages

Well, ladies and gents I hope you all had a great weekend and had some fun trying to put last weeks Sassy Sex Position of The Week to good use, or at least had a good laugh over it. While all of you were foot loose and fancy free I was glued to my laptop watching bootleg movies online and fielding emails from the masses. Imagine my surprise when I saw a response sitting in my inbox from Turned On. Apparently there was more to his story then he initially let on. So, I am revisiting his question. Turned On recently wrote:

Ms. Sassy,
Well you see, there have been other times that she has touched me sexually. Once she put my hand on her breast. She's changed in front of me, flashed me, she even gave me a lapdance once.
-Turned On

My Dear Turned On,
Why didn't you put that info in your initial email? That's a horse of a different color. Upon further evaluation and taking this new info into account it sounds like this girl that you're crushing on is nothing more than a bonafide tease. And let's face it, a tease is nothing more than an attention whore who isn't smart enough to use her personality to get people's attention so she uses her body. That's right, I said it!
This girl wants to have you at her mercy, which she totally does. Pry your balls out of the vice grip she's got them in and stop being so damn easy. For goodness sake man, have some dignity! Next time she puts herself out there in a sexual manner pretend like you're totally unphased. At that point the tables will turn and you can make her come to you. Once that happens, this girl is completely within your grasp. Nothing says, "Come to me" quite like pretending that you couldn't care less. We all want what we can't have.

Good luck with your conquest.

Dear Ms. Sassy,
How does one from lower class, decide on what to get someone from a middle class upbringing? Yes, it may seem ridiculous worrying about something like that but it's really getting to me. I've managed with everyone else, but this one is getting to me. I don't know what to get her. She has everything I've thought of to be a nice surprise. I'm quickly running out of options.
How do I stop worrying and just focus on getting her a gift that means something? Money isn't everything, I know, but I know what she's got me, and I couldn't even begin to spend that much on a gift for her.
-Penniless Santa

Penniless Santa,
You really should look to your moniker for inspiration. Of course Santa is penniless, that's why he has to make gifts for all the girls and boys. So there's your answer. Make her something. You know what she likes and what she loves, so start there. My boyfriend is quite the poet, he's been published multiple times. If he ever found me inspiring enough to write a poem about I would melt like butter. I know that popular culture would have you think that most, if not all, women are a bunch of gold digging whores, but that simply is not the case. I, like most women, would take a beautiful bouquet of flowers, a mix CD, or anything from the heart that shows me you love me, and I mean really love me and you're not just trying to be cheap, over the most expensive gift in the world. Have faith that your girl loves you for you and not for all the things you can buy her and you'll be well on your way to figuring out the perfect gift.

Hint:If you have things saved from dates with her or things that conjure up memories, put them in a nice keepsake box and enclose a love letter.