Ms. Sassy,
I am not sure what to do about my boyfriend. We've been going out for 11 months and he is the best thing that has happened to me. He makes me laugh when I'm sad, gives me cuddles, kisses, and random little presents to make me feel better. He does all the things that they say boyfriends should do. On our one month anniversary he was meant to pick me up from work but he was missing, for near almost an hour. I eventually found him, so drunk that I to let him sleep it off. A couple of hours later he woke up and told me that he had kissed his ex-girlfriend. He said that was all that happened and I believe him, but I cant get over their kiss. She dropped out of school and is now in the same college as us. I've been told that she'll sleep with anything that moves or breathes by numerous people, including her best friend. I'm really scared that she'll try to make a move on my boyfriend, again. I trust him it's just his ex who I'm concerned about. My first boyfriend messed with my head and broke my heart, my second relationship was terrible, so I think she is in the way of me loving him properly, as I don't want to get hurt again =[
What should i do?
-Wanting More Than This
Wanting More Than This,
If you have a great guy then enjoy it. Don't let some STD ridden skank mess with your head and sabotage your relationship. Your guy may have kissed hi ex one month into his relationship with you but he was obviously torn up about it and that fact that he was honest and fessed up speaks volumes about how he feels about you. If he wanted to be with her then he wouldn't have spent the past 11 months with you. Trust him but don't be a sucker either. You know what your gut is telling you so trust your instincts. If you don't think there's anything going on between your guy and his ex, then trust that and love him the way that you want to but are afraid to do. However, if he is giving you real reason to be uncomfortable doing that then you need to cut him lose.
Archive for the ‘Sassy Girl’ Category
I Don’t Trust His Ex
November 20th, 2008 
Ms. Sassy 
Posted in 
Tags: 
He’s A Filthy Pig
November 19th, 2008 Ms. Sassy
Ms. Sassy,
My boyfriend is a filthy pig. OK maybe I'm being a little over dramatic. He's not so much a filthy pig as he is slovenly. Every time he sets foot in my apartment he leaves a path of destruction behind him. I don't understand what he has against putting things back where he got them from. He finishes eating his food and just leaves his plate sitting on the counter. He's the last one out of the bed and he doesn't bother to make it up. And it's not just him, my dad and my brother are the same way. I don't understand why he can't clean up after himself. I don't go to his house and make a mess! WTH? How do I let him know that he's driving me crazy without sounding like a total beeyotch? -Housekeeper
Housekeeper,
OMG, I know exactly what you mean! My boyfriend is the exact same way. I'm with you I just don't get it. Why do guys want to be in a relationship that closely mirrors that of a mother and son rather than as two adults as equals? I can't stand cleaning up after my guy. I start yelling and slamming things, it's a mess. I get to the point where I feel like my head is going to explode.
That being said, guys are sensitive, no matter how much they try to deny it. So I like to go with the passive aggressive approach. When he leaves something in disarray, I look him straight in the eye and ask, "Are you done with this," while standing next to the mess. He then realizes what he did says, "Yes," and jumps up to clean it. It works like a charm. And while I'm not a fan of being passive aggressive, well sometimes you just have to be.
My boyfriend is a filthy pig. OK maybe I'm being a little over dramatic. He's not so much a filthy pig as he is slovenly. Every time he sets foot in my apartment he leaves a path of destruction behind him. I don't understand what he has against putting things back where he got them from. He finishes eating his food and just leaves his plate sitting on the counter. He's the last one out of the bed and he doesn't bother to make it up. And it's not just him, my dad and my brother are the same way. I don't understand why he can't clean up after himself. I don't go to his house and make a mess! WTH? How do I let him know that he's driving me crazy without sounding like a total beeyotch? -Housekeeper
Housekeeper,
OMG, I know exactly what you mean! My boyfriend is the exact same way. I'm with you I just don't get it. Why do guys want to be in a relationship that closely mirrors that of a mother and son rather than as two adults as equals? I can't stand cleaning up after my guy. I start yelling and slamming things, it's a mess. I get to the point where I feel like my head is going to explode.
That being said, guys are sensitive, no matter how much they try to deny it. So I like to go with the passive aggressive approach. When he leaves something in disarray, I look him straight in the eye and ask, "Are you done with this," while standing next to the mess. He then realizes what he did says, "Yes," and jumps up to clean it. It works like a charm. And while I'm not a fan of being passive aggressive, well sometimes you just have to be.
Why Does Kissing Always Lead To Sex?
November 19th, 2008 Ms. Sassy
Ms. Sassy,
WTH? My BF, whom I love very much is a freaking sex hound. Anytime we kiss it always leads to sex. All I want to do is make out sometimes but he says that I have great lips and once he kisses them it really turns him on and he wants to do more. It's flattering, but I feel like I can't touch him without his dick getting hard. How do I tell him to put "it" away without making him feel rejected?
-Kissing Only
Kissing Only,
Your lips must put Angelina Jolie's to shame. I think it's great that your guy is so attracted to you that just a little touch makes him want to rip your clothes off. Enjoy it while it lasts, because once the newness of the relationship wears off you can kiss that hyperactive sex drive goodbye.
For the time being just let your guy know that as much as you love having sex with him sometimes you just want to be physical without it always having to lead to sex. He'll moan and groan at first, but he's obviously into you so he'll get over it. Plus it'll add a little mystery into the equation and give him something to look forward to.
WTH? My BF, whom I love very much is a freaking sex hound. Anytime we kiss it always leads to sex. All I want to do is make out sometimes but he says that I have great lips and once he kisses them it really turns him on and he wants to do more. It's flattering, but I feel like I can't touch him without his dick getting hard. How do I tell him to put "it" away without making him feel rejected?
-Kissing Only
Kissing Only,
Your lips must put Angelina Jolie's to shame. I think it's great that your guy is so attracted to you that just a little touch makes him want to rip your clothes off. Enjoy it while it lasts, because once the newness of the relationship wears off you can kiss that hyperactive sex drive goodbye.
For the time being just let your guy know that as much as you love having sex with him sometimes you just want to be physical without it always having to lead to sex. He'll moan and groan at first, but he's obviously into you so he'll get over it. Plus it'll add a little mystery into the equation and give him something to look forward to.
I’m An Attention Whore
November 18th, 2008 Ms. Sassy
Ms. Sassy,
I'm afraid I've run into a problem in my love life. I've been dating the most wonderful guy on and off for almost two years now. But now that I'm away at college two hours away, I don't get to see him as often as I'd like, and that's starting to pose a slight problem. You see, I am what my friends like to call a 'contact whore,' meaning that I thrive on physical contact. It's always been relaxing and enjoyable to me to just go up to one of my friends and play with their hair, sit in their lap, or get a hug: sometimes all three. Now that I'm up here away from everyone who would do that normally, I'm starting to feel deprived.
And that's where the new guy comes in. I've met someone up here. He's sweet, he's nice, he's funny, he loves swing-dancing, and he gives the greatest hugs. So herein lies my problem. I'm starting to fall for him, and it's really not good. I still have my guy from back home, but the longer I'm away, the less attached I feel. And now that I know that I'm not going to see my guy for over a month is really starting to kill, because once I find something to fill a void, I tend to stick to it. Like the new guy up here. I like him, and I think he likes me, but I still like my guy from home. I just don't know what to do. -Confused
Confused,
A "contact whore?" That is some new terminology for me. I have never heard of that before but now that I know the term I can definitely say that I knew a couple growing up. Although, it seems to me that you're more of an "attention whore." You do whatever to make sure someone is giving you attention, hence all the "contact."
Now that that has been established, back to the problem at hand. You have a guy back home but due to all your shameless flirting have found yourself falling for a guy at school. You're young, you're in college stop tying yourself down to one guy. You're too young to have figured this out yet but long distance relationships don't last. Break things off with your guy from back home. Don't mention the new guy who has your eye, simply let him know that you think you guys should cool things off for awhile because the distance is taking its toll on you. Then you'll be free to explore things with the newbie, guilt free. Voilà! Ms. Sassy has solved your problems.
I'm afraid I've run into a problem in my love life. I've been dating the most wonderful guy on and off for almost two years now. But now that I'm away at college two hours away, I don't get to see him as often as I'd like, and that's starting to pose a slight problem. You see, I am what my friends like to call a 'contact whore,' meaning that I thrive on physical contact. It's always been relaxing and enjoyable to me to just go up to one of my friends and play with their hair, sit in their lap, or get a hug: sometimes all three. Now that I'm up here away from everyone who would do that normally, I'm starting to feel deprived.
And that's where the new guy comes in. I've met someone up here. He's sweet, he's nice, he's funny, he loves swing-dancing, and he gives the greatest hugs. So herein lies my problem. I'm starting to fall for him, and it's really not good. I still have my guy from back home, but the longer I'm away, the less attached I feel. And now that I know that I'm not going to see my guy for over a month is really starting to kill, because once I find something to fill a void, I tend to stick to it. Like the new guy up here. I like him, and I think he likes me, but I still like my guy from home. I just don't know what to do. -Confused
Confused,
A "contact whore?" That is some new terminology for me. I have never heard of that before but now that I know the term I can definitely say that I knew a couple growing up. Although, it seems to me that you're more of an "attention whore." You do whatever to make sure someone is giving you attention, hence all the "contact."
Now that that has been established, back to the problem at hand. You have a guy back home but due to all your shameless flirting have found yourself falling for a guy at school. You're young, you're in college stop tying yourself down to one guy. You're too young to have figured this out yet but long distance relationships don't last. Break things off with your guy from back home. Don't mention the new guy who has your eye, simply let him know that you think you guys should cool things off for awhile because the distance is taking its toll on you. Then you'll be free to explore things with the newbie, guilt free. Voilà! Ms. Sassy has solved your problems.
Drunken Dial
November 17th, 2008 Ms. Sassy
Ms. Sassy,
I just started seeing this guy. He's cute, great, and my sis loves him. Anyway, we've been dating for about 2 months now. He owns a business and I'm a daytime TV producer, so our schedules are hard to synchronize. Sunday, at about 2 a.m, he called me and we chatted. He was with his friends and I could tell he had been drinking. When I asked him about his plans for Sunday night he said he was planning on seeing me. Well, Sunday morning turned to Sunday afternoon, which turned to Sunday evening. Finally, at around 8 p.m. he called. He had been at a family dinner. Should I be offended that he flaked on plans with me or should I let it slide since I'm pretty sure the plans were made during a drunken dial.
-Drunken Dial
Drunken Dial,
This one is pretty cut and dry. On principal, I make it a point not to take anything my guy tells me seriously when he's been drinking. NOTHING! Sure he wanted to go out with you, otherwise it wouldn't have been on his mind to mention it. However, he probably forgot what you all even talked about last night. I forget if I had sex with my BF sometimes when I wake up in the morn. Yes, I know I sound like an alcoholic but what you call being a lush I call being sassy to the 10th degree. *wink*
So, I would shrug this off and chalk it up to the booze talking.
I just started seeing this guy. He's cute, great, and my sis loves him. Anyway, we've been dating for about 2 months now. He owns a business and I'm a daytime TV producer, so our schedules are hard to synchronize. Sunday, at about 2 a.m, he called me and we chatted. He was with his friends and I could tell he had been drinking. When I asked him about his plans for Sunday night he said he was planning on seeing me. Well, Sunday morning turned to Sunday afternoon, which turned to Sunday evening. Finally, at around 8 p.m. he called. He had been at a family dinner. Should I be offended that he flaked on plans with me or should I let it slide since I'm pretty sure the plans were made during a drunken dial.
-Drunken Dial
Drunken Dial,
This one is pretty cut and dry. On principal, I make it a point not to take anything my guy tells me seriously when he's been drinking. NOTHING! Sure he wanted to go out with you, otherwise it wouldn't have been on his mind to mention it. However, he probably forgot what you all even talked about last night. I forget if I had sex with my BF sometimes when I wake up in the morn. Yes, I know I sound like an alcoholic but what you call being a lush I call being sassy to the 10th degree. *wink*
So, I would shrug this off and chalk it up to the booze talking.
I Think My Roommate’s Depressed
November 14th, 2008 Ms. Sassy
Ms. Sassy,
I'm concerned about my roommate -- she always gets in a funk around this time of year. She's a total hermit and a workaholic (to avoid her personal issues) so when she's off work she has no idea what to do with herself. Her birthday is coming up in a couple weeks and she's already resolved not to do anything because "nobody would come anyway," and while I'm back home for the holidays I'm pretty convinced she'll lock herself in our apartment the whole time and sleep 14+ hours a day.
I try to see things from her point of view and I just can't comprehend it. She doesn't have the best relationship with her family, but they've never been close. She has some great friends, a well-paying job right in line with her dream job, and a dog who adores her. I guess I just can't wrap my mind around "depression" when it seems to stem from little more than a completely defeatist attitude. Wow, that was a lot longer than I anticipated. How do I help her?
-Depressed or Pathetic
Depressed or Pathetic,
Wow, that is possibly the most ignorant I've ever heard. It sounds like you roommate is definitely suffering from depression. Am I a medical doctor? No, but having suffered from bi-polar depression myself, a few years ago, I would say that her symptoms are ringing a bell. The worst part is that I tried to talk to people about how I was feeling, but the did what you're doing now. They invalidated the way I was feeling and down played it like I was just in a funk that would pass.
Stop trying to analyze her. Stop being a bitch and telling her how she should feel and just be her friend. When she talks, listen. You can't solve her problems and she knows that but just talking to someone is her way of reaching out. And her feeling like you're listening to what she has to say instead of judging her as some weak pathetically ungrateful cry-baby can open the next door she needs to walk through, which is seeing a professional.
I'm concerned about my roommate -- she always gets in a funk around this time of year. She's a total hermit and a workaholic (to avoid her personal issues) so when she's off work she has no idea what to do with herself. Her birthday is coming up in a couple weeks and she's already resolved not to do anything because "nobody would come anyway," and while I'm back home for the holidays I'm pretty convinced she'll lock herself in our apartment the whole time and sleep 14+ hours a day.
I try to see things from her point of view and I just can't comprehend it. She doesn't have the best relationship with her family, but they've never been close. She has some great friends, a well-paying job right in line with her dream job, and a dog who adores her. I guess I just can't wrap my mind around "depression" when it seems to stem from little more than a completely defeatist attitude. Wow, that was a lot longer than I anticipated. How do I help her?
-Depressed or Pathetic
Depressed or Pathetic,
Wow, that is possibly the most ignorant I've ever heard. It sounds like you roommate is definitely suffering from depression. Am I a medical doctor? No, but having suffered from bi-polar depression myself, a few years ago, I would say that her symptoms are ringing a bell. The worst part is that I tried to talk to people about how I was feeling, but the did what you're doing now. They invalidated the way I was feeling and down played it like I was just in a funk that would pass.
Stop trying to analyze her. Stop being a bitch and telling her how she should feel and just be her friend. When she talks, listen. You can't solve her problems and she knows that but just talking to someone is her way of reaching out. And her feeling like you're listening to what she has to say instead of judging her as some weak pathetically ungrateful cry-baby can open the next door she needs to walk through, which is seeing a professional.
My Toes Taste Awesome
November 12th, 2008 Ms. Sassy
Ms. Sassy,
I am losing friends left and right due to my inability to keep my foot out of my mouth. Lately, I have been getting into fights with my friends because I just don't know when to stop talking. What do I do?
-Tasty Toes
Tasty Toes,
Just because you have a feeling or emotion does not mean you need to subject every person you come into contact with to it. It sounds like we're probably a lot alike, and what I learned is that I'm the type of person that needs to take a minute or two to calm myself down when I'm upset, otherwise I begin to spew verbal diarrhea all over the person who upset me. Next time someone makes you start seeing red, step away from the conversation. Take as much time as you need to sort through your feelings. Then, revisit the issue when you can have a calm and rational discussion about what was said, without making the person hate you.
However, also keep in mind that not every person you meet is worthy of the title of "Friend." It could be that you need to be more discriminatory in who you let into your inner sanctum. Take stock of the people in your life and if they are ready to throw in the towel every time you all hit a snag in your friendship, then they don't deserve to be in your life. Cut them lose and move on. Stop mourning the lose of these people you're tying yourself to and go get yourself some friends worth having.
I am losing friends left and right due to my inability to keep my foot out of my mouth. Lately, I have been getting into fights with my friends because I just don't know when to stop talking. What do I do?
-Tasty Toes
Tasty Toes,
Just because you have a feeling or emotion does not mean you need to subject every person you come into contact with to it. It sounds like we're probably a lot alike, and what I learned is that I'm the type of person that needs to take a minute or two to calm myself down when I'm upset, otherwise I begin to spew verbal diarrhea all over the person who upset me. Next time someone makes you start seeing red, step away from the conversation. Take as much time as you need to sort through your feelings. Then, revisit the issue when you can have a calm and rational discussion about what was said, without making the person hate you.
However, also keep in mind that not every person you meet is worthy of the title of "Friend." It could be that you need to be more discriminatory in who you let into your inner sanctum. Take stock of the people in your life and if they are ready to throw in the towel every time you all hit a snag in your friendship, then they don't deserve to be in your life. Cut them lose and move on. Stop mourning the lose of these people you're tying yourself to and go get yourself some friends worth having.
He’s Still A Virgin
November 11th, 2008 Ms. Sassy
Ms. Sassy,
I work two jobs so I recently turned to online dating to help me in my search for the perfect guy. After a few failed dates, I met a great guy and we started dating. He's cute and REALLY nice and we have the same religious upbringing. Things started out great but the second we put the official label on our relationship every thing went down hill, and fast! A week into the relationship he got this really strange and awkward mouth infection, so i literally haven't kissed him in like.... months! Then he announced that he was a VIRGIN; he's saving himself for his wife. I think I could deal with the the whole being a virgin issue but whenever we do make out he hasn't even made it out of his pants before the grand finale... if you know what I mean. He's super nice...and he REALLY likes me...but at this point I just don't like him as much as he likes me. It's literally like dating a high school boy. I think not expressing his sexuality has really stunted him in a lot of ways. I want to break up with him but how do I do that without seeming like a total bitch? I really don't want to hurt him.
-Virgin's Girl
Virgin's Girl
Wow! I'm totally with you on this. Dating a virgin is one thing but dating a virginal male with a pre-ejaculatory problem is a whole different story. All I could think about when reading your letter was that scene with Jason Biggs and Shannon Elizabeth in American Pie. As for pointers on how to break up with this guy, I would definitely go with, "It's not you, it's me." However, make it more original. Blame it on work...tell him that you really like him but you just don't feel like you have the time to commit to your relationship, which isn't fair to him, and maybe you guys should take a break until things settle down for you. Ta-da, problem solved. You are free and he doesn't feel like his non-existent sexual prowess is the cause.
Happy dumping,
I work two jobs so I recently turned to online dating to help me in my search for the perfect guy. After a few failed dates, I met a great guy and we started dating. He's cute and REALLY nice and we have the same religious upbringing. Things started out great but the second we put the official label on our relationship every thing went down hill, and fast! A week into the relationship he got this really strange and awkward mouth infection, so i literally haven't kissed him in like.... months! Then he announced that he was a VIRGIN; he's saving himself for his wife. I think I could deal with the the whole being a virgin issue but whenever we do make out he hasn't even made it out of his pants before the grand finale... if you know what I mean. He's super nice...and he REALLY likes me...but at this point I just don't like him as much as he likes me. It's literally like dating a high school boy. I think not expressing his sexuality has really stunted him in a lot of ways. I want to break up with him but how do I do that without seeming like a total bitch? I really don't want to hurt him.
-Virgin's Girl
Virgin's Girl
Wow! I'm totally with you on this. Dating a virgin is one thing but dating a virginal male with a pre-ejaculatory problem is a whole different story. All I could think about when reading your letter was that scene with Jason Biggs and Shannon Elizabeth in American Pie. As for pointers on how to break up with this guy, I would definitely go with, "It's not you, it's me." However, make it more original. Blame it on work...tell him that you really like him but you just don't feel like you have the time to commit to your relationship, which isn't fair to him, and maybe you guys should take a break until things settle down for you. Ta-da, problem solved. You are free and he doesn't feel like his non-existent sexual prowess is the cause.
Happy dumping,
Body Issues
November 7th, 2008 Ms. Sassy
Dear Ms. Sassy,
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years now and things are great. Since we started dating I have put on some weight. I don't know how, it just kind of snuck up on me. And it's starting to affect my sexuality. I've always been a big fan of my body but now I just feel like a fat slob and it's putting a cramp in my sex drive. I am becoming more and more self conscience about my BF seeing me naked. He on the other hand is either oblivious to the weight I've gained or just doesn't care. He is always telling me how awesome he thinks my body is and how sexy he thinks I am. It makes me feel good that he still finds me attractive, even with the extra 15 lbs. I've put on but I just can't help being uncomfortable being naked in front of him. I know I need to lose the weight but what do I do in the meantime?
-New To Being Fat
New To Being Fat,
Get over yourself. You have what sounds like a great guy, who is so in love with you that he thinks you're hot with or without the 15 lbs you've packed on. If the weight is bothering you that much then you should definitely go about getting rid of it, but in the meantime, don't let your insecurities ruin a perfectly good relationship because let's face it. If you let this weight issue lead to you not putting out for your guy, no amount of love will lead him to stick around for too long. Guys need sex, and even though you mind find yourself to be repulsive he obviously does not agree with your POV. So embrace it and him often. Let him enjoy your PHAT ass before you work it off.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years now and things are great. Since we started dating I have put on some weight. I don't know how, it just kind of snuck up on me. And it's starting to affect my sexuality. I've always been a big fan of my body but now I just feel like a fat slob and it's putting a cramp in my sex drive. I am becoming more and more self conscience about my BF seeing me naked. He on the other hand is either oblivious to the weight I've gained or just doesn't care. He is always telling me how awesome he thinks my body is and how sexy he thinks I am. It makes me feel good that he still finds me attractive, even with the extra 15 lbs. I've put on but I just can't help being uncomfortable being naked in front of him. I know I need to lose the weight but what do I do in the meantime?
-New To Being Fat
New To Being Fat,
Get over yourself. You have what sounds like a great guy, who is so in love with you that he thinks you're hot with or without the 15 lbs you've packed on. If the weight is bothering you that much then you should definitely go about getting rid of it, but in the meantime, don't let your insecurities ruin a perfectly good relationship because let's face it. If you let this weight issue lead to you not putting out for your guy, no amount of love will lead him to stick around for too long. Guys need sex, and even though you mind find yourself to be repulsive he obviously does not agree with your POV. So embrace it and him often. Let him enjoy your PHAT ass before you work it off.
