Ms. Sassy,
I'm afraid I've run into a problem in my love life. I've been dating the most wonderful guy on and off for almost two years now. But now that I'm away at college two hours away, I don't get to see him as often as I'd like, and that's starting to pose a slight problem. You see, I am what my friends like to call a 'contact whore,' meaning that I thrive on physical contact. It's always been relaxing and enjoyable to me to just go up to one of my friends and play with their hair, sit in their lap, or get a hug: sometimes all three. Now that I'm up here away from everyone who would do that normally, I'm starting to feel deprived.
And that's where the new guy comes in. I've met someone up here. He's sweet, he's nice, he's funny, he loves swing-dancing, and he gives the greatest hugs. So herein lies my problem. I'm starting to fall for him, and it's really not good. I still have my guy from back home, but the longer I'm away, the less attached I feel. And now that I know that I'm not going to see my guy for over a month is really starting to kill, because once I find something to fill a void, I tend to stick to it. Like the new guy up here. I like him, and I think he likes me, but I still like my guy from home. I just don't know what to do.
-Confused
Confused,
A "contact whore?" That is some new terminology for me. I have never heard of that before but now that I know the term I can definitely say that I knew a couple growing up. Although, it seems to me that you're more of an "attention whore." You do whatever to make sure someone is giving you attention, hence all the "contact."
Now that that has been established, back to the problem at hand. You have a guy back home but due to all your shameless flirting have found yourself falling for a guy at school. You're young, you're in college stop tying yourself down to one guy. You're too young to have figured this out yet but long distance relationships don't last. Break things off with your guy from back home. Don't mention the new guy who has your eye, simply let him know that you think you guys should cool things off for awhile because the distance is taking its toll on you. Then you'll be free to explore things with the newbie, guilt free. Voilà! Ms. Sassy has solved your problems.
Archive for November, 2008
I’m An Attention Whore
November 18th, 2008 
Ms. Sassy 
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Drunken Dial
November 17th, 2008 Ms. Sassy
Ms. Sassy,
I just started seeing this guy. He's cute, great, and my sis loves him. Anyway, we've been dating for about 2 months now. He owns a business and I'm a daytime TV producer, so our schedules are hard to synchronize. Sunday, at about 2 a.m, he called me and we chatted. He was with his friends and I could tell he had been drinking. When I asked him about his plans for Sunday night he said he was planning on seeing me. Well, Sunday morning turned to Sunday afternoon, which turned to Sunday evening. Finally, at around 8 p.m. he called. He had been at a family dinner. Should I be offended that he flaked on plans with me or should I let it slide since I'm pretty sure the plans were made during a drunken dial.
-Drunken Dial
Drunken Dial,
This one is pretty cut and dry. On principal, I make it a point not to take anything my guy tells me seriously when he's been drinking. NOTHING! Sure he wanted to go out with you, otherwise it wouldn't have been on his mind to mention it. However, he probably forgot what you all even talked about last night. I forget if I had sex with my BF sometimes when I wake up in the morn. Yes, I know I sound like an alcoholic but what you call being a lush I call being sassy to the 10th degree. *wink*
So, I would shrug this off and chalk it up to the booze talking.
I just started seeing this guy. He's cute, great, and my sis loves him. Anyway, we've been dating for about 2 months now. He owns a business and I'm a daytime TV producer, so our schedules are hard to synchronize. Sunday, at about 2 a.m, he called me and we chatted. He was with his friends and I could tell he had been drinking. When I asked him about his plans for Sunday night he said he was planning on seeing me. Well, Sunday morning turned to Sunday afternoon, which turned to Sunday evening. Finally, at around 8 p.m. he called. He had been at a family dinner. Should I be offended that he flaked on plans with me or should I let it slide since I'm pretty sure the plans were made during a drunken dial.
-Drunken Dial
Drunken Dial,
This one is pretty cut and dry. On principal, I make it a point not to take anything my guy tells me seriously when he's been drinking. NOTHING! Sure he wanted to go out with you, otherwise it wouldn't have been on his mind to mention it. However, he probably forgot what you all even talked about last night. I forget if I had sex with my BF sometimes when I wake up in the morn. Yes, I know I sound like an alcoholic but what you call being a lush I call being sassy to the 10th degree. *wink*
So, I would shrug this off and chalk it up to the booze talking.
TRL Bids Farewell
November 17th, 2008 Ms. Sassy 
Last night, in true MTV style, TRL bid a fond farewell to the last 5 viewers it had left. After a 10 year run, MTV finally pulled the plug on it's fledgling music video countdown show. I don't know about you all but I used to love TRL when I was in high school. It was all the hot videos brought to us via Carson Daley with a quick guest spot here, and a shout out there. Remember when Mariah Carey stormed the stage in a tye-dye t-shirt and no pants and had a total melt down as we all watched in awe? Man, that was so classic! Then our beloved countdown show took a turn for the worst. Carson Daley moved on to bigger things and the show slowly morphed into an hour long promo spot. All the celebs stopped by to market their newest "whatever." They started pushing the Laguna Beach crew down our throats and they played like 5 seconds of video in between telling teens and young adults what overpriced mainstream piece of crap they needed to buy, do, or wear to be like their fave celeb. Just thinking about it makes me throw up in my mouth a little.Well, all I can say is, "It's about damn time!" It took them way too long to put TRL out to pasture. But I, much like you, will never forget all the weekdays after school sitting in front of the TV hoping *NSYNC beat out The Backstreet Boys for top spot, or hardly being able to wait to see the world premiere of the new Christina Aguilara video. *Sigh*
Rest In Peace TRL, rest in peace.
Can’t Get Her Out Of My Head
November 17th, 2008 Ms. Sassy
Ms. Sassy,
Ok, so I’ve been in love with this girl for a while. She has made it pretty clear that she would rather throw up on her own face and run off a cliff than see me again. I’ve tried sleeping with other women and all that but for some reason whenever I see her, and it happens rarely now but even so I get a kick in my guts. How do guys get members of the opposite sex out of their heads when keeping them there is completely ridiculous and unhealthy?
-Do I Need A Lobotomy
-Do I Need A Lobotomy,
I really do feel for you. I think we've all been victims of unrequited love at one time or another. Honestly, there's no easy way to get this woman out of your head. You have two options. Option one is to pursue her until you finally break her will. Swallow your pride and get ready to have your heart stomped on if you choose this option. But it could work, sometimes it takes people a little while to recognize what's right in front of their face. Be your charming funny fantabulous self and after awhile she'll realize that she's developed a little crush on you. Option number two...fake it till you make it. I know it sounds cliché but people say it for a reason. It really does work. Just tell yourself how great you are and that it's her lose if she can't see it. Then go out and do all the things you love to do. Keep yourself occupied. It'll happen in no time that one day you'll wake up and realize that you're totally over her, and you will have kept your frontal lobe.
Ok, so I’ve been in love with this girl for a while. She has made it pretty clear that she would rather throw up on her own face and run off a cliff than see me again. I’ve tried sleeping with other women and all that but for some reason whenever I see her, and it happens rarely now but even so I get a kick in my guts. How do guys get members of the opposite sex out of their heads when keeping them there is completely ridiculous and unhealthy?
-Do I Need A Lobotomy
-Do I Need A Lobotomy,
I really do feel for you. I think we've all been victims of unrequited love at one time or another. Honestly, there's no easy way to get this woman out of your head. You have two options. Option one is to pursue her until you finally break her will. Swallow your pride and get ready to have your heart stomped on if you choose this option. But it could work, sometimes it takes people a little while to recognize what's right in front of their face. Be your charming funny fantabulous self and after awhile she'll realize that she's developed a little crush on you. Option number two...fake it till you make it. I know it sounds cliché but people say it for a reason. It really does work. Just tell yourself how great you are and that it's her lose if she can't see it. Then go out and do all the things you love to do. Keep yourself occupied. It'll happen in no time that one day you'll wake up and realize that you're totally over her, and you will have kept your frontal lobe.
Sassy Sex Position Of The Week
November 14th, 2008 Ms. Sassy 
Woo Hoo! It's Friday, which means you made it through the week. What better way to celebrate then by planning a weekend romp between the sheets with your favorite guy or girl? Friday is also the unveiling of the Sassy Sex Position of the Week! This weekend try out the Scissors position. I know It's kind of basic, but the reason I'm sharing it is because I've never seen the Scissor position used by a heterosexual couple. In every lesbian porn I've ever watched I have seen them put this sexual position to work, and I have to say it looks super hot, but never have I seen a penis and a vagina come into contact via this pose. Check the video re-enactment of this super steamy sexual position. And of course, check out Sassy Sex next Friday to see what position makes the pick. Why Can’t My Girlfriend Stay Wet
November 14th, 2008 Ms. Sassy
Ms. Sassy,
My GF is great. This is probably the best relationship I've ever had. She's sexy and sweet and funny and the sex is amazing. The only problem is that sometimes when we're having sex she suddenly gets really dry. I mean everything always starts out good. She gets really wet and then she's drier than the Sahara. WTH? It doesn't happen often but it's probably happened about 4 times over the past two years. Am I doing something wrong? Why can't she stay wet?
-Chaffed Penis
Chaffed Penis,
Uh...have you ever heard of lube? It is stuff specially formulated to keeps things nice and moist down there so you can have as much sex as you want and you can remain chaff free. As for what you're doing wrong, well...IDK, probably nothing. This is like the female equivalent of erectile dysfunction. No matter how aroused you are sometimes your head is just somewhere else, which is probably the case with your GF. Then again, it could just be that sometimes you need to spend a little more time in the foreplay stage. Just know that you're totally overreacting. Like I said, it's all about the lube in those instances. So, keep a tube in the nightstand. There, problem solved. Now go forth and fornicate!
My GF is great. This is probably the best relationship I've ever had. She's sexy and sweet and funny and the sex is amazing. The only problem is that sometimes when we're having sex she suddenly gets really dry. I mean everything always starts out good. She gets really wet and then she's drier than the Sahara. WTH? It doesn't happen often but it's probably happened about 4 times over the past two years. Am I doing something wrong? Why can't she stay wet?
-Chaffed Penis
Chaffed Penis,
Uh...have you ever heard of lube? It is stuff specially formulated to keeps things nice and moist down there so you can have as much sex as you want and you can remain chaff free. As for what you're doing wrong, well...IDK, probably nothing. This is like the female equivalent of erectile dysfunction. No matter how aroused you are sometimes your head is just somewhere else, which is probably the case with your GF. Then again, it could just be that sometimes you need to spend a little more time in the foreplay stage. Just know that you're totally overreacting. Like I said, it's all about the lube in those instances. So, keep a tube in the nightstand. There, problem solved. Now go forth and fornicate!
I Think My Roommate’s Depressed
November 14th, 2008 Ms. Sassy
Ms. Sassy,
I'm concerned about my roommate -- she always gets in a funk around this time of year. She's a total hermit and a workaholic (to avoid her personal issues) so when she's off work she has no idea what to do with herself. Her birthday is coming up in a couple weeks and she's already resolved not to do anything because "nobody would come anyway," and while I'm back home for the holidays I'm pretty convinced she'll lock herself in our apartment the whole time and sleep 14+ hours a day.
I try to see things from her point of view and I just can't comprehend it. She doesn't have the best relationship with her family, but they've never been close. She has some great friends, a well-paying job right in line with her dream job, and a dog who adores her. I guess I just can't wrap my mind around "depression" when it seems to stem from little more than a completely defeatist attitude. Wow, that was a lot longer than I anticipated. How do I help her?
-Depressed or Pathetic
Depressed or Pathetic,
Wow, that is possibly the most ignorant I've ever heard. It sounds like you roommate is definitely suffering from depression. Am I a medical doctor? No, but having suffered from bi-polar depression myself, a few years ago, I would say that her symptoms are ringing a bell. The worst part is that I tried to talk to people about how I was feeling, but the did what you're doing now. They invalidated the way I was feeling and down played it like I was just in a funk that would pass.
Stop trying to analyze her. Stop being a bitch and telling her how she should feel and just be her friend. When she talks, listen. You can't solve her problems and she knows that but just talking to someone is her way of reaching out. And her feeling like you're listening to what she has to say instead of judging her as some weak pathetically ungrateful cry-baby can open the next door she needs to walk through, which is seeing a professional.
I'm concerned about my roommate -- she always gets in a funk around this time of year. She's a total hermit and a workaholic (to avoid her personal issues) so when she's off work she has no idea what to do with herself. Her birthday is coming up in a couple weeks and she's already resolved not to do anything because "nobody would come anyway," and while I'm back home for the holidays I'm pretty convinced she'll lock herself in our apartment the whole time and sleep 14+ hours a day.
I try to see things from her point of view and I just can't comprehend it. She doesn't have the best relationship with her family, but they've never been close. She has some great friends, a well-paying job right in line with her dream job, and a dog who adores her. I guess I just can't wrap my mind around "depression" when it seems to stem from little more than a completely defeatist attitude. Wow, that was a lot longer than I anticipated. How do I help her?
-Depressed or Pathetic
Depressed or Pathetic,
Wow, that is possibly the most ignorant I've ever heard. It sounds like you roommate is definitely suffering from depression. Am I a medical doctor? No, but having suffered from bi-polar depression myself, a few years ago, I would say that her symptoms are ringing a bell. The worst part is that I tried to talk to people about how I was feeling, but the did what you're doing now. They invalidated the way I was feeling and down played it like I was just in a funk that would pass.
Stop trying to analyze her. Stop being a bitch and telling her how she should feel and just be her friend. When she talks, listen. You can't solve her problems and she knows that but just talking to someone is her way of reaching out. And her feeling like you're listening to what she has to say instead of judging her as some weak pathetically ungrateful cry-baby can open the next door she needs to walk through, which is seeing a professional.
Whitney Houston’s Photoshopped Album Cover
November 14th, 2008 Ms. Sassy 
Did you laugh as hard as I did when you saw this album cover?! WTF?! Who gave the green light for this to be the photo attached to Whitney Houston's triumphant return to music? So many questions that even I, Ms. Sassy, don't know the answers to. Her hairline doesn't even look natural. Did they just take a dominatrix pic off of istock and photoshop Whitney's face on it? The body, the bad Diana Ross hair, the overly defiant stance...WTF? This has convinced me now more than ever that Whitney Houston is still a crack head. Not only that, but she's apparently gotten her entire team of stylists and image consultants hooked too. How else do you explain this pic? Give Your Vagina A Sassy Makeover!
November 13th, 2008 Ms. Sassy 
Holiday season is in full swing, which means tis' the season to give and all that crap. I, Ms. Sassy have found the ultimate stocking stuffer for you and your guy to enjoy. For the hair down there, check out this Betty Beauty product. Dye your pubic hair red or green with these specially formulated dyes for your va-jay-jay. And with this stocking stuffer kit, for the holidays, you get a stencil set. Nothing says "let's get it on" like a holiday theme stenciled on your private parts. Say, "Merry Christmas" with a green Christmas tree, "Peace and good will towards men" with an angel, or let his penis follow your star.Seriously, this dye comes in colors to make the curtains and drapes match, as well as cool fun colors to keep things interesting in the bedroom. I definitely plan on trying this out, probably in pink, because let's face it, pink is such a sassy color!
Is She Leading On Her Ex?
November 13th, 2008 Ms. Sassy
Ms. Sassy,
My GF is a guys girl. I don't think she's ever met a guy who didn't like her, and I don't mean that as an insult. She's witty, non-judgmental, sexy, and a bit of the girl next door all rolled into one. My friends love for me to bring her along when we go out because she's like their wing woman. That being said, she has a lot of hangers on. I don't think she has a single ex who she's not still friends with. She says she just never had a bad breakup before. Most of these guys just drop her lines via Myspace. However, she has one ex who calls her all the time still and even makes special trips to town trying to see her. The first time he come out they met up for drinks to catch up, which she told me about. He's been back since then and each time he tries to get together with her but she blows him off. I'm not really the jealous type but this whole situation is starting to get to me. I know she doesn't want to be with him, but he just won't seem to go away.
-Is She Leading Him On
Is She Leading Him On,
I know the type of girl you mean. Some people describe me as that type of girl, a guys girl. Put me in a crowd full of men and I can totally hold my own but surround me with girls and I don't quite know what to do with myself. It sounds like your GF is really trying to stay friends with her ex, much like she has with the other exes you mentioned. However, this guy is taking it to the next level and trying to rekindle the relationship. Sit your GF down and explain to her how guys think, and that it sounds like this particular guys is still holding a torch for her, so it's going to be impossible for her to continue to have a relationship, of any kind, with him. If she refuses to cut him off then you need to drop her. She can't compromise you alls relationship just for some ego stroking from some pathetic schmuck who doesn't know when to let go.
My GF is a guys girl. I don't think she's ever met a guy who didn't like her, and I don't mean that as an insult. She's witty, non-judgmental, sexy, and a bit of the girl next door all rolled into one. My friends love for me to bring her along when we go out because she's like their wing woman. That being said, she has a lot of hangers on. I don't think she has a single ex who she's not still friends with. She says she just never had a bad breakup before. Most of these guys just drop her lines via Myspace. However, she has one ex who calls her all the time still and even makes special trips to town trying to see her. The first time he come out they met up for drinks to catch up, which she told me about. He's been back since then and each time he tries to get together with her but she blows him off. I'm not really the jealous type but this whole situation is starting to get to me. I know she doesn't want to be with him, but he just won't seem to go away.
-Is She Leading Him On
Is She Leading Him On,
I know the type of girl you mean. Some people describe me as that type of girl, a guys girl. Put me in a crowd full of men and I can totally hold my own but surround me with girls and I don't quite know what to do with myself. It sounds like your GF is really trying to stay friends with her ex, much like she has with the other exes you mentioned. However, this guy is taking it to the next level and trying to rekindle the relationship. Sit your GF down and explain to her how guys think, and that it sounds like this particular guys is still holding a torch for her, so it's going to be impossible for her to continue to have a relationship, of any kind, with him. If she refuses to cut him off then you need to drop her. She can't compromise you alls relationship just for some ego stroking from some pathetic schmuck who doesn't know when to let go.
